July 2

We are in a semi private room with a revolving door, in the hospital.  Not for you and me, Baby but for the Moms who come in to have their healthy baby and head home.  There is a definite pattern, I have found.  The bed beside us is empty, then a baby gets born… always in the middle of the night… which means the new Mom is delivered to the room by 1:am, given her baby to feed, and fussed over because Baby is not latching and the nurses are sure the Mom is doing something wrong – ah, the blame on Mom’s for their children’s behavior starts at the breast, I have found out. Finally Baby is fed, family members leave, lights out by 4:am, just as the sun is starting to rise in the east.  We try to fall back to sleep and are just about there, when the overhead lights flood the room. It is 6:am already – time for the vampires to stick you and me with more needles, trying to cajole blood out of a stone, it would seem.

By now, your condition has a name – you are a “Small to Date Baby”…because of our Placenta Previa…  That means every morning we are weighed.  Not being one to step on the scales at home, I am shocked to find out I weigh 112lbs.  Last time Dr. D.. weighed me I was over 120 Lbs…, I thought.  I realized I was dropping weight in other places as my tummy grew, but eight pounds, huh?  Every day it seemed I dropped a few more ounces, as my arms and legs became sticks.  Early on in the pregnancy, Dr. D. railed against me gaining too much weight.  Later on I questioned Dr. D., when I did not seem to be gaining as much as my sisters who ‘had been there, done that’. As the opposite scenario presented itself, he largely ignored, no… I would say he embraced it and declared I would have no trouble getting back to my normal pre-pregnancy weight of 104 lbs. Other Mom’s with eclampsia had the opposite problem, gaining weight on a daily basis, as their extremities ballooned and they could no longer bend down to tie their shoe laces. Wonder what their doctors counselled?

July 4

What an array of Mom’s  In Waiting we have met in a few days, by walking the halls and going to the Meet and Greet Room.  Two very interesting Yuppie Mommies shared a semi private. The Politician’s Wife Mom had both eclampsia and her nose in the air.  It was a second marriage for the her husband…a politician… the second family and he had as much time for her as he had for his first family, I suspect.  Be careful the row you hoe.

The Politician’s Wife Mom would talk to immigrant Mom’s in the hallway and Meet and Greet Rooms but she let me know she wasn’t sharing a room with them. She would pay for a private room before she submitted to that! Hhhmmm! Interesting optics for a politician’s wife! Her room mate, Mom of the Later in Life Twins, (apparently fertility drugs worked for her)… although a Yuppie and in agreement  when in the company of the Politician’s wife could change her mind and deny believing it ever, when the Politician’s Wife Mom left the hospital… (Cont’d on Part 13B)

June 5

Today at work, as three of us stood around discussing an employee that is giving the gears to his plant supervisor,  when a piece of paper floats to the floor.  We all dived to get it but being competitive, I got there first.  Jose, (having heard Spanish since conception, while I was at work – naturally  you learned to speak it with an unheard of ease),  the Head Supervisor started to laugh.  What does it say about the rest of them and their reflexes when at 35 weeks pregnant, you and I beat them all fair and square?  But hey, I am the Office Manager, I am supposed to be fast.  What does an Office Manager do, you ask?  Worry, worry, worry – about the employees we hire, the sales we make, the purchasing of supplies, the financial statements and don’t forget, the delivery of the toilet paper. We gotta be fast… or the whole plant is in perpetual chaos.

June 14

Your Aunt Who Taught Me Most the Things I Know and your Grandma gave us a Baby shower today, with all my sisters and many Gaspesian friends (remember that land of ice and snow we visited in May) and relatives attending.  Also Oma, Aunt Ria (your Dad’s eldest sister) and surprise, surprise Aunt Makaikai (Mother of our Runaway Princess) came also.  Oma gave you a beautiful afghan she knit herself in shades of pink, blue, green and yellow, trimmed in white.  Grandma gave us a little pink Rudolph blanket your Great Aunt Millie and Great Uncle Eve had given me, thirty one years back, on my first Christmas, with a touching poem of passing it on to you, Baby.   My family had bought us a rocking chair which we plan to put to good use.  Grandparents and Babies and Rocking Chairs – that is what the world needs more of.  My Aunt Millie as well as my friends and relatives gave us a boat load of little tiny sleepers, outfits, rattles, toys, blankets, hooded towels and every possible little thing a baby needs to make it in this world of ours.  You are so treasured already.  The clock is ticking.

June 30

Today is our last day at work – I will have a couple of weeks to anticipate your safe arrival since your are not due until July 13– did you know that day is your Aunt Catholic Girls Starts Much Too Late’s birthday – she’d be thrilled if you arrived then or do you suppose you could hold off a day and be born on Grampa’s birthday, July 14? Knowing me…well…I am always (mostly) on time…but I need your participation too. Bring.It.On.Baby!

May 19

This freaking placenta previa.  I am once again “spotting” as the medical world says.   I have not gained any weight since the end of March, so I am looking scrawny.  Dr. D. says, “Eat, eat”, as though it is that simple.  But you Baby, are in there, jumping through hoops, stretching, squirming, yawning, moving this way and that way, in an attempt to find your comfort zone.  When you are in one of your “Jumping Jack Flash” moods, I rub my tummy and you fall asleep.  The funny thing now, is  if I don’t  feel you move around for two or three hours, I get paranoid. OMG! Are you OK?  I poke you till you wake up and kick at my prodding fingers. Your Dad, Cousin The Pretty Little Dutch Girl (as much as a teen ager can with her own life front and centre)  and I look forward to your safe arrival, as each day passes successfully.  You are the next main event!

May 22

Although I am not leaving work for a while yet, I was given a dinner in your honour today, Baby …(just in case you would arrive early) and we were heaped with oodles of goodies, a hooded towel and soft blanket, booties, all in white – my favorite colour for a baby, a mobile for your crib – little zoo animals in a rainbow of colours to catch your eye as well as, can you imagine, a play pen and change table in a striped tiger motive with a matching wall hanging and to top it off a little tiger sleeper – they are the best.

Since most of my co-workers are from Central and South America, I won’t be surprised if you come out singing “La Bamba”. Oh, and of course your Uncle who (married to your Aunt Baby of the Family) works there as well – there is never any telling what he is up to next, so we keep an eye on him, even as we shake our head at his behavior, at times. He is a good old boy, born like us, on the Gaspe – our father knew his father, who knew his father, who knew his father – ya with me?

It was so much fun to rush home and set everything up in your bedroom, it even inspired your Dad to finally take the crib out of the boxes and set it up for your arrival.  I will let you in on a secret – if I let your Dad loose in a store, he would buy the store and all its’ contents.  But Yuppie Baby, we must not spoil you, you understand.  I know it is just not fun having such a down to earth Momma but think of those babies in Africa – if we don’t spend all our money on you, we can support them.  I just know that is what you would want.

Your Dad and I have wrangled over your name since Day One.  I wanted to call you something royal and majestic, befitting to what you will bring in to the world … like Jasper or Kingsley (I can see you are happy I did not get my way) while your dad thinks the only name for you is John, after him and Opa. As we set up your room, you come through loud and clear to me.  You are a boy…to be called “John Robert” you communicate to me by the process of osmosis.  I can only imagine how proud my father will be to finally have a grand child named after him.  He’ll probably say you are the third prettiest baby in the world ever born – he was the prettiest, so he claims his midwife said… I was the second prettiest because I looked like him (uh…the pictures say otherwise), and since you bear his name (Robert) even if you just look a smidgen like him, you will be the third prettiest baby ever born in the world…..no less.

After all the day’s excitement you develop the worst case of hiccups to date – what I have noticed is after dinner each night, you get the hiccups, your little body heaves and squirms and you try to make them just go away.  I try to soothe you by rubbing my tummy but tonight nothing works.

December 25

Dinner at Matthew’s house.  My Sister Who taught Me Most of the Things I know had to serve 21 today which required 3 tables, in 3 rooms, set as if Martha Stuart was an honored guest. Who will you pick as your favorites from this motley crew? They were all present, except your Aunt No.1 Sister and Uncle Jim. Your Grandparents, your Uncle My One and Only Brother, who sings with your Dad at the supper table, as they do dishes, wherever, whenever and his new wife, your Aunt the Queen & Uncle Denis and your cousins, Your Aunt Lady of the Lake and Uncle Gary, your Aunt Baby of the Family and Byron, our family and Matthew’s are all together celebrating Jesus birthday.  I went over in the morning to help prepare vegetables, in between singing lullabies to Matthew who was feeling the effects of being off schedule.  I am sure you are going to love him but know somehow you will have a completely different sense of humor. Poor Puppy Shiloh exhibited the signs of needing a girlfriend in the worst possible way, so not only had to go though the indignities of having his tail tramped on but also being shoved away sharply when he tried to do the “nasty” on a guest’s leg.  I had to believe it was one happy mutt when the last guest closed the door and his life was back to normal once again.

December 30

Regular checkup with Dr. D..  We talked about your Dad, The Pretty Little Dutch Girl and scantily about you and me.  He was a little concerned about me being on Inderal for my heart palpitations but will talk to a Specialist and get back to me.

Probably by now you sensed I spent a lot of time worrying about your Dad’s health.  Last July when he was so sick his biggest concern was he was dying and that he would not get in to heaven because the Christian Reform had ostracized him and in their little minds you only get the call to heaven if you are one of them.  Imagine how surprised they will be when they die.

December 31

Dr. D.. called me at work and told me the best advice he had been given was for me to continue on the Inderal and let the chips fall – a little ominous, would you not agree?  Do you get the feeling they know just about as much as me and you?

Probably by now you sensed I spent a lot of time worrying about your Dad’s health.  Last July when he was so sick his biggest concern was he was dying and that he would not get in to heaven because the Christian Reform had ostracized him and in their little minds you only get the call to heaven if you are one of them.  Imagine how surprised they will be when they die.

April 17

Your Uncle Only Brother married Aunt Catholic Girl Start Much Too Late today – all together a strange day with your father digging in his heels and saying he was too sick to go.  He wants me to stay at home with him but I bought a new dress for the occasion and I am going.  We have waited a long time to dance at your uncle’s wedding, you know. 

The priest that married them made a point of saying the only the Catholics were allowed to take communion – made me consider… next time around we just bring a bottle of wine (grape juice will do fine for good United Church members) and pass it around for the heathen Protestants in the crowd. Were you upset when I danced to that to stomper?  The stiff upper lip Catholics looked at me in disbelief but I never could learn how to tune out feeling when music beckons me to the dance floor.

May 1

The Pretty Little Dutch Girl, your Dad and I go to the Gaspe (where all your ancestors from my side came from) to visit my sister your Aunt The Queen, your Uncle Denis and cousins Joey, Chantal and Sheila. Even though I had an unforgiving flu, you seemed to fall asleep, lulled no doubt by the  swaying of the train ride – or were you trying to lie low to avoid the paroxysms of nausea, sabotaging my body?

May 3

How about that snow storm on May 3?  Can you believe it – it is so easy for me to forget how we endured winter from October to May, down there – watching the ice caps drift lazily from the bay, off to the ocean sometimes as late as the beginning of June.

May 12

The Prenatal Classes – your Dad refused to participate – an old fashioned, birthing is women’s work type.  What are the odds we’ll make it to natural child birth, in any case he rightfully asks?  There is only two Mom’s in our class – the other Mom, Christine was hooked up with a biker type.  She suffered from epilepsy seizures so her chances of natural child birth rank up right there, somewhere with mine.

Christine looked bad…pale and unhealthy but she had a good soul.  I met many moms-to-be on our journey and although she was probably had the least material wealth, part of me thought if I would die tomorrow and there was no family to take you in, Christine, with all her problems yet the ability to see right through people, would be right up there as my first choice.

Christine and I looked forward to the Prenatal classes until we had to sit through, “The Miracle of Birth”.  Unfortunately, it was hard to truthfully enjoy as nausea struck, leaving me unable to concentrate on the miracle, as I sat there trying to remember where the closest Ladies’ Room was, so I could get there double quick if these tides swelling over me continued to intensify.

April 2

Next ultrasound… (we are losing count). Today I saw you again.  You were so alert and combative – you were waiting for the technician and tried to push her away and when you couldn’t achieve that, you covered your head.  You highly amused and entertained the technician.  She told me you were in the position I thought, your feet on my right side, your head on the left side, pushing on my rib cage.

April 4

Today is Cousin Joey’s birthday so we got a lot of running around and a party to go to.  You moved in to a new position overnight since your stretching and kicking is not as far down as it used to be.  Daddy can now definitely feel you move around when he places his hands on my tummy and he loves it.  The wait continues.

April 11

We get the honor of the Easter dinner at our home – it is a full house with all your aunts and uncles and cousins (from my side of the family).  It is one of those uncustomary warm Easter Sundays so we enjoy the back yard.  Just think – next year you will be part of the annual Easter Egg hunt!

April 14

The weather has made a 180 degree turn to the left and we are sitting in the car giving it a minute to warm up before I am on the road to work.  I pound my head on the steering wheel in an attempt to curtail the nausea that is rolling over me in waves.  I think I would have to be an idiot to get pregnant again.  It just isn’t a good fit since I have to work, keep an eye on my parents, ensure your Dad is in compliance because of his health, keep our Pretty Little Dutch Girl on a short leash as well as trying to nurture you, who can not help but complain, with me expending so much energy on everyone, leaving you with so little.  I’m trying, Baby but it is all new to me, too.

March 12 continued…

Your Dad goes home, quietly opens the front door, the house is in silence….accept, is that the upstairs toilet running – could it have been flushed by a truant or two? Your Dad steals upstairs, quiet as a mouse, goes to The Pretty Little Dutch Girl’s bedroom, opens the door – the light is off but he can see the bed made.

Is it his imagination or did the closet door just move?  In a couple a strides, he crosses the floor, grabs the closet door, slides it open and there is our The Pretty Little Dutch Girl and Ralphi, trying to hide behind her clothes but their legs were visible.

Lucky girls – they get to spend an afternoon being lectured by Uncle John.  Even Physical Education would have been better than that. Oh, and there is more – since home is so inviting, The Pretty Little Dutch Girl won’t be leaving it all weekend.  She gets to spend most of it playing board games at the dining room table with us as well as catching up on the work she missed on Friday.  Then there is the ever to look forward return to school with her Uncle, wherein she has to once again swear on a stack of Bibles she has no clue why she skipped but it will never happen again.  And if anyone believes that, we got some swamp land in Florida to sell you.

March 27

Dear Baby, sometimes it feel you are you really just a bunch of hyperactive popcorn, little kernels that bust in to life, moving in all directions at once, filling my womb with life.  It was especially front and centre in my bath tonight,  as the little kernels grew into full being, poking my tummy, or were you teasing me with your tiny fingers and toes?  I called your father to enjoy your antics but like a typical child, you retreated.  The show was obviously just for you and me.

March 29

Our third ultrasound is scheduled.  Now that it is confirmed there is something not quite right, we will have to go though theses ultrasounds every 4 weeks.  Good news is there is only 3 ½ months left if you are born on schedule – July 13 (Aunt Irene’s birthday). I am hoping you will wait a day and be born on your Grampsey’s (a name you chose for him) birthday. Only God knows.

March 1

2nd Ultrasound – not much fun and all the same agony of the time previous.  You quickly showed the technician that you did not enjoy this one anymore than the first one.  Dr. D. called when we got home (never a good thing, when the doctor calls, I have learned over the years) to say I had a low placenta (umbilical cord attached low on womb) which can cause a multitude of problems including miscarriage and the break through bleeding I had experienced in January.  Otherwise, Praise the Lord, you are a healthy 20 week old fetus. Your father became the expert and said it was probably the synthroid and inderal pills I take (nyatt).  Give me a break – I would really be flat out without them. If the medical team around me says to keep taking them, who am I to stop?

I just want to go bed but there is supper to make, then cleanup takes place, all the while listening to The Pretty Little Dutch Girl talk about Simon (who the heck is that, again?) so I was silent about you. However, I have promised Grandma and a couple of your aunts I would call them once I got the ultrasound results, so I do that, before we tumble in to bed exhausted.

March 6

Your Aunt Who Taught Me Most the Things I Know and Uncle Eye for Low Fences went south for a week.  Dad and I got to try on parenthood up close and personal. Your Grandparents babysat Matthew during the day.  We picked him up after work to give them a break during the nights.  You went along with it all, until I would rock Matthew – then the first confrontation of many to come over the years happened.  I swear you poked him hard with your bony little finger trying to shove him off my lap.  When your Auntie came back and Matthew went home, I missed his warm little body, cuddling against me. The question is, did you?

March 12

It is a cold, grey Friday.  Your Dad gets a call from The Pretty Little Dutch Girl’s school.  Apparently she is a no show today, unbeknownst to us.  He calls me.  Now kids may think they are smarter than us, but we have lived a long life so what we lack in brains, we make up for in sneakiness.  I reasoned that she is probably still at home, and tell your Dad to leave it just a bit longer, then pay her a surprise visit.  What are the odds her friend Ralphi made it to school today, we question.

February 19

Hi Baby! I know I have been neglecting our diary but now I feel you moving around all the time.  You are quick to communicate to me when I do something that discomforts you.

It is so tiresome as all the nosy people (concerned… they claim) question if I am actually pregnant but I feel huge.  I am already using the elastic band on my buttons to give us more breathing space and of course to keep my skirts and pants from falling off.  At work, Mirian asks me if I am having a cricket – Spanish humor, obviously.

You don’t like it when I overeat – you must take after me in that I am fine till I take that last bite, then I go in to uncomfortable crisis mode.  After I eat you move around a lot, trying to find a snug space to relax.

Lately I have been thinking how smart God is.  It is so good for a mother to carry a baby around for nine months, all the while massaging and nurturing it, as it develops in to a little person.  Pity the unwanted babies who never receive the tenderness and love they so richly deserve.  The other night we were watching one of those horror Sci-Fi movies and the star was impregnated and gave birth after 28 days – how much bonding can take place in that short a period?  At first she thought her baby was a monster that she must destroy, but being a good North American the Good Guys always win movie, she discovered she did indeed cherish her baby in the end.  It gave me pause.  How could I destroy what I struggle daily to protect.  As with every Lady in Waiting, I long to see you, hold you, bond with you.

January 21

Your Dad is home from the hospital, all full of hope because his diabetes is regulated (again) – please don’t ask how many times you fall “off the wagon” as a diabetic.  Then, son of a gun, today, I felt this brief but ripping pain – I race to the bathroom –oh, oh, break through bleeding . Your Aunt Who Taught Me Most The Things I know claimed she ever experienced such a thing with Matthew – how comforting is that?  Over the years I swiftly learn how perfect her three children are and I am not being facetious – you Baby are a bit more of a challenge in conception, in birth and in life.

She and Grandma advise I call our doctor  who is “off” that night – he is probably across the street at the Old Folk’s Home where he ministers to them medically and psychologically so I am talking to a disinterested Answering Machine Service who to her credit passed the information on because an intern called back in ten minutes, telling me that they are trying to locate Dr. D.

January 22

Your Dad comes with me to see the good doctor.  The doctor seems to think I lost weight although I feel like a balloon is being blown up in my tummy.  He gives me stronger vitamins, lectures me to take it easy and worriedly sets up an appointment for me to get an ultrasound. I go home and call your Grandma and my sister, Matthew’s Momma.  Apparently they had a meeting of the minds because they told me not to take any more baths – just take showers.  You must understand, the list of what I should not do now that you are on board, Baby, grows as problems rare their ugly heads.

 January 26

The day of our first ultrasound dawns, Baby.  The night before, sleep escaped me as I pondered every possible “what if’s” – if you were missing a limb, if you were missing a vital organ or more importantly, it was all a big mistake and my womb was as empty as Mother Hubbard’s cupboard.  I followed the rules, drank my six glasses of water and kept my legs crossed, all the while trying to concentrate on everything but my full to tipping over bladder.  Surely this can not be good for you, Baby.  I felt you reacting negatively as pain develops on both my left and right side.  I swear I gurgled as I walk. Please, please, please God, let the unconcerned staff take me in on the time of the scheduled appointment.

Finally it is show time for you and me.  The technician took one look at my lack of belly and can’t believe I am suppose to be somewhere need 16 weeks pregnant (from date of last period).  The technician pushed the wand in the cold gel,  then slid it across my tummy and there you were, a grainy image of an alien- tadpole, a feisty little survivor, such a mind blowing relief after all the worry I have conjured up, especially in the past weekend.  As the wand moves, you deek and dive, already an entertainer – the technician nicknamed you, “Jumping Jack Flash”  because of your constant motion, as you successfully avoided her magic wand. 

In order to get a better look at you, the technician tells me to partially empty my bladder – no kidding, I knew there was too much water in there. And so you contently fell asleep, now that the pressure is lifted.  The technician probes and prods you rudely and you woke up and took off again – flailing your tiny arms and legs in desperation to get away from that relentless wand.  The ultrasound was over.  I am told you are fine.  I dressed in a hurry and rushed out to tell Dad (in those days, dad’s had not yet pushed their way in to ultrasounds).  He made me repeat over and over all your antics.  But it seemed to tire us out, Baby.  That night we went to bed at 8pm and slept like the proverbial log.

January 29

It is the weekly scrub the floor and vacuum the entire house night.  I “getter done” and rush over to the nearest couch to catch my breath.  And you communicated for me for the first time.  Somewhere on my lower right hand side I felt your first bonafide movement.  It was like the gentle scratching of a new born kitten.  What an awesome feeling!